A friend told me na I should write again just to vent and pour my heart out, cos I'm so sabaw lately, he said na this might help me de-stress and realize what I really want to do with my life. So, here I am again trying to contemplate and organize my thoughts. Lol.
These past few days I've been spiraling and I honestly don't know what to think or where to start my train of thoughts. I feel soooo empty inside. I feel like my life is not really moving forward, I feel stuck. I don't even have something to look forward to in the next few days, weeks or months. I am mentally drained.
I can't breathe.
Nasasakal ako.
Feeling ko ang daming nangyayari pero at the same time walang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Gets niyo ba? Haha. Hindi ako makahinga, pakiramdam ko wala akong freedom to do things na makakapag pasaya talaga saakin and the saddest part is TIME AND LIFE it self na mismo ang kalaban ko.
If you guys know me, I value my freedom soooo much. I love having some "me time". Sitting alone in a coffee shop, wondering and thinking about life. I miss having some quite and alone time without any responsibilities and shiiiiz.
As much as I hate to rant and sound ungrateful, I need to release this reklamo in life cos this is causing me my mood and well-being charot. I'm just really tired and drained. I need time to breathe and re-think my life decisions.
Because, If I'm going to be truly honest with you guys, I feel like I don't know myself anymore. Parang I'm going with the flow of life nalang and hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta or dadalhin, it's exciting and scary at the same time. Pero it's also sad kasi feeling ko the decisions I've made in the last couple of months are not really mine, feeling ko I made them pero it is because it's already there in front of me and it's the easiest thing to do and wala akong choice but to do it.
Feeling ko nawalan ako ng pangarap sa buhay haha. I used to have at least a one year worth of dreams, plans and prayers pero ngayon parang kung ano nalang nasa harap ko, yun nalang.
It's an everyday cycle.
A routine.
It's suffocating.
I feel like I need to at least take a step forward or even a few steps backward would be okay just to give give me an idea of what I should really do with my life and how to make this feeling go away, because to be honest. I need to start checking my bucket list again lol
.....or maybe I should just fall in love again to spice things up? Hmmm.
Charot.
PS:
Don't get me wrong; I love my life and I'm thankful for everything that I have right now, it's just that sometimes there are moments in your life where you feel like you're going crazy and you need to vent out so you could breathe again.
-Yhem
