Today, I woke up with a heavy heart.

Today, I woke up with a heavy heart...

These past few weeks, I started feeling empty and lost a g a i n, siguro maiisip nung iba "huh? eh puro ka nga gala." LOL I KNOW, RIGHT!!!? But that seems to be the problem nga eh, kasi no amount of partying, booze and gala could fill the emptiness inside, parang may kulang, parang may mali. Hindi ako masaya. Ang hassle. 

Don't get me wrong ha, I'm not being ungrateful; believe me, I'm trying my best to appreciate and be grateful for all the blessings na natatanggap ko ngayon, and trust me, I am. I know how blessed and lucky I am to have the freedom, money, love and lahat ng kailangan ng isang tao to survive life, may pa bonus pa nga. So anong problema ko diba? 

That's the question I've been asking myself: ANONG PROBLEMA MO??? 

May mga oras lang talaga na hahanapin mo yung sarili mo, na makakaramdam ka ng emptiness sa loob mo, na bigla ka nalang gigising na parang ang bigat bigat ng mundo and the only thing you could do is cry and breathe at the same time. Gigising ka and you will question your self "what's next? what's your plan? bakit hindi ka happy?" 

Ang bigat sa pakiramdam gumising na parang gusto mo nalang ulit matulog kesa makita ka ng ibang tao and mag alala pa sila, minsan gusto mong umiyak pero para saan? Ang hirap. Nakakapika. Haha!

Pero sige, ulit ulit lang yan hanggang sa matapos yung araw, lilipas din ang lahat. 

I don't know what will happen today or sa mga susunod na araw, the only thing I know is that today, I woke up with a heavy heart and I can't function well but I have no choice but to be brave and survive the day cause it's the right thing to do.

Maybe, I just need to breathe. I'll be okay.

Here's something na sinulat ko, a reminder para sa sarili ko haha. 

I am lost, 

nowhere to go,

walking in His kingdom,

with both my eyes closed.

Don't know where to begin,

I'm afraid to make a step,

in this journey of life,

that He gave. 

But, who am I to question,

the almighty father,

I am just a lost child,

living in his mercy. 

Lord, I offer everything to you.

Jesus Christ my saviour.

My life is in your hands,

as long as I'm in your kingdom land.

I can feel your presence, 

I know I'm in your grace. 

Ang labo. Ang labo labo ko.