It's not easy talking about it especially when people around you don't believe it. You feel alone, isolated and trapped. But, trust me, there are still people who could help you and are genuinely willing to listen to you.
Believe me when I say that I know the feeling of keeping your issues to yourself just because someone asked you to. The stigma is real and I experienced it first hand.
"Don't tell this to any one, nakakahiya."
"Nasa isip mo lang naman yan, mga baliw lang nagpapa psychiatrist."
"Baka isipin baliw ka"
Those are just some words that I've heard during the first time that I learned that I have depression and anxiety. Yep, got diagnosed years ago and still battling with it until now.
At first it was hard accepting that I have a mood disorder. Imagine being in your prime years, partying, meeting people, enjoying your freedom and suddenly the doctor tells you that the sadness that you feel is not something that will magically disappear.
I was scared. I don't want people to know I have it because they might think that I'm some kind of lunatic who can't handle my own emotions. My family and friends knew about it but we rarely talk about it.
After religiously attending psychotherapy sessions, several anti-depressant pills and tons of prayers, I got better.
But, it came back. Again and again.
I experienced having panic attacks in the middle of the night, having nightmares, crying without any reason, feeling blue all of a sudden, forcing myself to vomit, drink laxative almost everyday and do intense workouts.
I tried so hard to push the feelings away and not talk about it but the more that I keep it to myself, the more I want to let it all out, I'm like a ticking bomb who could explode any minute.
That's when I realize that I need to talk to someone. I need to know how can I cope up with this and end it once and for all.
And then I started telling my story here on my blog, my friends, on facebook, twitter and surprisingly, some people started messaging me saying they've read my blog and that they could relate to it. It felt good. So good.
That's when I realized that I could help people. That some of them just want someone to listen and relate their stories too. They don't need any advice, they just want a friend.
Not everyone around you will understand what you feel but you need to try and voice out your emotions. They may think you're crazy but who cares? If that's your way of coping up and moving forward so be it.
Talking about it would not make you any less of a person and having a disorder will not define who you are as a person.
Taking anti-depressant pills is not embarrassing, especially if it would help make you feel better.
Let's end the stigma today, don't be afraid to share your stories because you never know who might need it. Let's be kind and help each other to move forward and survive.
You don't need to know what to say because sometimes people only need someone to listen to them.
Some people need to realize that not because someone is attending therapy, seeing a psychiatrist or taking pills they are crazy. No, they just need help and understanding. Mental disorder is not a choice, stop blaming people for feeling they way they feel.
If you can't support, the least you can do is shut your effin mouth and go on with your life.
PS:
To those who are suffering in silence,
know that you are not alone and if you ever ever feel like you need to talk to someone, know that my dm/messenger or email is open and I am willing to listen.
Fight. Breathe and Be brave.
